A Year Of Learning

'What's Wrong With Me?'
-Julia Stone

(Disclaimer: I have chosen to speak very frankly below.  By doing so you may feel offended and angry. Just know I wish you peace as there is no time to truly be angry in your day at the words and thoughts I choose to share.  I mean you no harm and hate, just that we are of different paths now and that is ok.)

Dear Readers of 'The Gawduner,'

When things happen in ones own life that cause a inner reflection at what they really want out of their life things begin to change.  Things can change for good or even bad.

As I have said in the past 2011 became a pivotal year for me, and it was a good one in the end.

I accomplished my goal of distancing my self from the constant addiction of Facebook except in regards to the ARG IMAG Photography page which needed keep up for my business.  I experienced a once thought to be a budding relationship turn to dust over night (Literally), which later turned out to be one of the biggest plays I've ever been through.  (And I've been played before.)  I experienced the forced loss of a job and the luck of being offered a job all because of the impact I have left on people around me.  I gained a powerful recharge in my photography that has taken me light years of where I was this time last year.  A charge in the way I look and practice physical health was embraced this past year, I have never looked nor felt better.  I have also experienced the sifting of friends and finding those that have stayed close to me even when they live miles, city's and states away.  I have also started new friendships by the common connection of simple iPhone apps and love of music.  During that same time with friendships I have greatly learned that several I called friends in my own town were not such.  It was more of a friendship of convenience, one in which they took and gave when they felt inclined.  And if I did not do the "keeping in contact 100% of the time" it was my fault I was not part of parties or get togethers (just a heads up a phone works two ways and there are many ways to contact me other than phone.)  I experienced a look at my own beliefs and religious beliefs, and just where I stand in regards to them.  And I experienced a dark and deep depression.

I am not bitter for any of the things I learned and went through in 2011.  I thank those who helped me in depression and despair, sometimes even making sure I was actually eating.

My Family
Sydney
Kenley
Nicole
Fred
Daniella
Channa
Emily
Kevin
Katie
David
Molly
Roxanne

I take to 2012 with this new mind.  Full of knowledge and ability to accomplish greater things than ever before.  My blogging may pick back up and it may not.  I have chosen to live my life doing what I like and enjoying my passions.  This means the pull of the inter-webs to blog and Facebook my every moment, unless for photography related items, may be infrequent.  But do check back from time to time.  You have not heard the last of me :)


'The Memory Machine'
-Julia Stone


-Gawdun

Good Times to Be Had

It's interesting the things your learn about people.  I  invest to much time into friendships that are just social encounters and not friendships.  I am a firm believer that you can tell a true friend by the amount of miles you have between you and the amount of communication and interest that fills that distance...  One of my best friends has lived in the same town as me, different countries and states and yet we have never grown apart. 

When you live in the high school world you think the number of friends means something.  Heck even in the Facebook world we live in today we think the number of friends means how cool we are.  But I have learned as you get older that number isn't important.  Your best friends are first your family, then the other people.  I am grateful for my family above all but so grateful for the friends that I can call friends in my older years.  Sorry to all those that are just social encounters, it's nothing personal, but we just never had it...

 Oh and on a side note:  Judging me by friends and/or associations then calling yourself my friend is so far from the truth.  Thanks but I don't need that negative energy in my life.

-Gawdun 

What Happened to Kick the Can?

'Take You Away'
-Angus & Julia Stone

Last week while I was in the Target I pa roused through the toy isle.  First off let me explain how I am impressed with the latest and greatest LEGO designs.  Bravo Bravo!!!

However what cracked me up was the below video I shot.  Just a advertising fail for Cars and Target...  It still cracks me up...  There was even a tire from another car that had popped off and was laying on the bottom of the display track.  LOL

'Matching Weight'

-Trespassers William

-Gawdun

My MInd Has a Part 2

Earlier this week I posted a blog of two topics that were on my mind...

I had a feeling was leaving something out and that would be #3...

3.   This Darn NFL Lockout!

Back at the end of the NFL season the stupid NFL moved into this "Lockout" mumbo jumbo.  I mentioned it to a few people that I found this to be a giant waist of crap news.  Here is why...  If I remember right almost every darn year at the end of EVERY sport season there is some sort of strike or lockout.  Mostly they want money is the underlining theme but they usually cover that up with some sort of other bull crap.  

So there I was talking to a friend and I said, "mark my words the NFL lockout will come to an end right before the training and preseason kicks off."  Boy I need to be paid for my predictions.  There I was this last week in the gym locker room and on EPSN they were talking about they players were being allowed back into the locker rooms now as training season begins as long as they got their physicals.  Huh ironic.  Pre season is just weeks away and the "lockout" sounds like it is vanishing away.  

Just be honest and say you are giving your players more money for the next season.  I believe they just use the "Lockout" also as a cover up to make it so much easier for us to accept the fact they are going to once again get pay raises and they deserve it.  We wouldn't easily accept a raise if they just gave it to them.  This is just further proof that the majority of America is blind and can't think on their own.  

(Once again this is just my thoughts and opinions if you did not like this post then you really should... I don't know, but you should do something.)

-Gawdun

My Mind

I have two things on my mind right now...

1.  Dear Officers of the Law, I can not take you seriously when you wear WHITE sunglasses.

Today while I was running on the treadmill at the gym I watched as a car pulled over due to the fact that the police behind him was flashing him to stop.  As the police man pulled up behind him I noticed the officer was wearing WHITE sunglasses.  My fellow readers should know by now my loath and repulse to the WHITE sunglass look.  Especially when guys where them.  As soon as I saw them on the officer I immediately lost any sort of respect for him.  I tried as hard as I could but I could not gain respect for him.  The WHITE sunglasses made him look un-professonal and like a complete joke.  I had more respect for the officers of CHIPS than I did him.

I think more people need to be aware of what they wear in the public when they are representing their business or profession.

2.  The locker room at my gym is wayyyyy to small.

My good friend Karyn shared this 'Modern Family' clip with me when I told her about my locker room stories while at the gym...

Click me for a "Splash Down Moon Landing"

Now the last couple of days I have had this above clip stuck in my head and begin to laugh while in the locker room thus making it seem that I am probably crazy or making other guys uncomfortable thinking I am judging and laughing at them.  (Which is not even happening as the eyes stay straight ahead on my locker.)


-Gawdun

Drink Responsibly & Get Sponsored Responsibly...

'Home is a Fire'
-Death Cab For Cutie


It's about time I posted a blog about this...

Let's face it!  I am a water racist.  I wont drink any other water but a certain Glaceau kind.  What kind would that be?  SmartWater.  It just taste better, smells better has better ingredients and I could keep going on for hours.  Oh but I must not forget to mention has the coolest packaging.  I have been drinking SmartWater exclusively for 4 years and before then I would mix my water purchases with tap water or San Pellegrino.  But I have been a avid fan of the Glaceau brand since I read an article on them in the Entertainment Weekly back in spring 2001.

There is just something magical about SmartWater.  No I don't feel smarter (which is the same lame joke people ask when they see me drinking it).  ---> I have always wanted to tell them that just talking to them makes me smarter, but I refrain.  Seriously the only ingredients are; Vapor distilled water and Electrolytes.  "So pure and crisp like from a cloud," as one of their marketing campaigns stated.  It's just down right tasty.

Thus brings me to my current goal...

I have spent enough money on this company that I deserve to be a major share holder in the company but I will actually settle for a major sponsorship of some sorts.  I'm sorry Jennifer Aniston may make drinking SmartWater look sexy in black and white (another campaign that ran last year) but I look sexy drinking it in color ALL the time, not just at the turn of the page.  I am a major advertiser for them and they don't realize it but it's high time they do.

So by year end I want a sponsorship with them!  I sent out a tweet about this a few months ago and one of my photography network members actually tweeted back saying Glaceau sponsored one of their wedding promo events and they ended up with tons of bottles left over.  To prove that I drink this liquid heaven everyday and everywhere I will be taking a photo of me and the SmartWater everyday until they notice.   I am creating a separate Tumblr page then my "Behind ARG IMAG Photography" page.  I will have the link for you by Friday as I am in the midst of designing the page :)

It's gonna be sick!

Let's look at the dedication I have to this liquid heaven:

1.  I have a 1L bottle with me during my gym work-out, which I attend 6 days a week.
2.  I have at least a full bottle and a backup one here in the office at all times.
3.  All road trips consist of a separate area in my car where I can reach a SmartWater at all times, even if I'm not driving.
4.  I will not waste a single drop by dumping out.
5.  Before crossing airport security I will guzzle the entire bottle I have left (see #4), which then causes me to pee a lot before flight and in flight.
6.  On my mission my dear friend Roxanne would send me packages in the mail with at least 3 of the 1.5 L size bottles at least once every 6 months.  I would ration it out to be used only during meetings and when I had a rough day teaching.
7.  I have a bottle with me whenever I do any public speaking.
8.  When I find it on sale it's all over.  I will buy a shopping cart full, but not in one trip, I make several trips.  I don't want people to think I run a mini-mart.
9.  I don't just throw the bottle away I will place it in the proper plastic recycle location just as it suggests.
10.  I actually just paused between 9 and 10 to drink some.
11.  Only water I will put in my protein shakes after each work out.
12.  I will turn my nose down at you if you reuse the bottle with any kind of water that is not the SmartWater.  I am not afraid to admit it.
13.  I can tell you are a good friend if you actually knew all this about me and don't offer me anything other than SmartWater at your BBQ's, parties, etc.
14.  Even when I was laid off I still managed to buy it and support the dedication.

AND ONE MORE:

15.  I have a bottle with me at EVERY photo shoot I do.



See I deserve a sponsorship!  So get ready for me to have it by year end of 2011.

(I totally just took this)

'You Are a Tourist'
-Death Cab For Cutie


-Gawdun

Fergie Say's

'Don't You Evah'

-Spoon

Why must we label?

-Gawdun

Man This Ship Has Left Already I See

I thought with me attending the gym 2 hours at a time for 6 days a week meant I could be proud of my accomplishments in the work I have done.  However according to the below picture I now need to find a large white board to hang around my neck when I go to the beach in a few weeks...

Welcome to Utah magazine racks...

However it looks like they missed a few that are more "skanky"than the fully clothed Olivia Wilde cover of Glamour.  So really what are they trying to sensor, I'm confused. :-/


On a side note:  Michael J. Fox looks so out of place.  Happy 50th Mike!

-Gawdun

"Jesus Has Me Blogging Again..."

(Taken on a recent trip to Laguna Beach:  ARG IMAG Photography)

I would say that the famine of blog postings started back on January 30th when I last posted my most honest blog posting.  All the rest were true but fillers to cover my hectic life making it appear I was alive and well.  I mean yes I was and still am alive.  But as for 'well,' that is debatable.

I don't like rehashing the past anymore as it truly doesn't get you anywhere, but I learned several things in February that I must share.

Caring about someone can consume every ounce of you.  It is raw, powerful, scary, memorable, intense, gentle, overwhelming and the list can go on.  A word that deserves most focus would be CONFUSING.

Unemployment.  Is.  Horrible.

I have come to part of my life where I want a dog.  In the words from the great film, Empire Records...  "Shock me, shock me, shock me, with that deviant behavior."

I am working again part time when not working on photo shoots.  Outback Steakhouse has me now, and actually wanted me to be there from the get go.  I am honored to have been so desired as an employee by the management team.  :)

I really hate the way this blog is turning out to look and sound.  Man I don't think blogging is my thing anymore.

I joined a gym a week ago and have been tearing it up.  I decided to join one after my running habit turned into a 6 day a week habit.  As I tell my friends my lower half is looking all sorts of fit and nice while my upper half is looking the opposite.  Can't look disproportional now can I?  So thus I made it all 6 days to the gym while allowing Sunday as my only day off.  Monday and Thursday I do yoga.  Mon-Thurs I attend the gym at 5am with a friend.  Friday we go at 6am and then Saturday I told her that I plan on going around 10am.  Each time I am there I stay around 2 to 2.5 hours.  I wont lie going super early in the AM is tough but I manage to have self motivation, who would have thought.  Once my friend Trudi get's out of school for the summer I told her I want to start around 9:30 weekdays.  I know it's only been one week but I am loving it more and more every day.

I don't do a lot of personal Facebooking anymore, unless it is on my business page.  I just don't think everyone needs to know everything I am in the midst of.  You want to know, then call me.  :)  Plus there have been people who have been using my posts and such as fuel to create preconceived ideas of my personal and professional life.  This would also explain my un motivated desires to blog.  I just don't care to share anymore :)  We have become a society of "must knows."  So good luck with "must knowing" Gawdun.  Consider this post to be the last of it's kind in the personal life of Gawdun.  Don't fret I'll still blog from time to time but I won't be giving out personal life details.  Once again as Dragonette sings, 'Pick Up The Phone' if you want info...

I'm hungry now and want a steak so go find something else to read  :)

-Gawdun

I Beat First and Ask Questions Later, Sometimes

Ok I am about to loose it.  I have a very important blog post to post here.  However Blogger keeps telling me that I can't post the photo I need to include in the post.  It says some mumbo jumbo about me needing "license rights."  Ok first off I own my own photo's that I take for my own business.  I have been reading the message boards but there are NO answers.  I am so frustrated that I am about to go Madea on this blogger and then switch over to Wordpress.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OXfGR4dgiY

The post I need to post with attached photo is a huge thing and needs to be seen by y'all.  So if you know how to fix this problem let me know ASAP!!!


-Gawdun

Don't Hate

I understand that the following video may get me A LOT of hate mail and such but you know what that is ok. I understand the views of the subject are very mixed and that while my faith does not condone the subject, I have always been taught that no matter what we are ALL still God's children and we CAN'T hate. You don't have to agree but you can't cast stones as YOU are not perfect and are not the final judge of this life.

I have known many gay and lesbian people in my life. They have always been kind to me and NEVER bashed me (even knowing I am L.D.S.). I have friends who have family members who are gay and or lesbian. I also have really good friends who are gay and would do anything for them like I would my straight friends. They are human too and shall be treated that way!

While I am also NOT supporting suicide I find it troubling that we live in a world where we treat others the way we do and cause grief on others. I find it troubling that in doing such said things, the victims sometimes only find it easier to end their lives. I hope you readers never have to have that grief on your heads and I as well hope to never feel it. I believe that while they will answer for their choices to end life early, in the end I believe ALL of us will answer for our actions to those and others we have harmed. I am by no means perfect and have done and said things in my youth that I would love to take back and have reached out to those I harmed, but I can't to all. I have to move forward and teach the younger to not follow in my past heinous ways.

Hate this post, hate me, or love me, but it's time we stop the verbal and physical abuse to those around us. You don't have to support the lifestyle that others live but YOU DO have to LOVE each other.

For you never know what those around you are struggling with. If anything keep that in mind.

(please feel free to leave any comment good or bad, I am interested to read)

-Gawdun

Clip A What?

You know, bless Hillary Clinton's heart! She is such a wreck and trying really hard in her political position, I commend her on the efforts she is doing. However did any of you see the hysterics that ensued this week after her latest UN gig? If not here you go...

I am dying when I see this photo. If you want more check out the slide show The Huffington Post has...

Enjoy Friday!

-Gawdun

You Can Go Where You Wanna...

Boy did I do it to myself now!

I officially signed up for my first 5K today. I have never been a big runner, in fact I would say I only ran when Sydney Bristow would run... Stressed out times. However two weeks ago I made the mistake of tweeting a post to my facebook account on my awesome run for the day. 2.6 miles after not running for 3 months. Ok let me level with y'all. I did a lot of running mixed with walking, but I did it. After I posted the tweet I was notified by a friend of a 5K that was coming up soon. After doing a little research I learned that a 5K is only 3.1 miles.

Oh I got this in the bag :)

Today I ran 2 miles non stop with two fellow 5K runners!

I have learned though I have a new addiction... I can't stop thinking about running! I mean I want to get out and do another run right now. I'm like a crack addict I think. Although tomorrow is almost here and I can run again.

The big day is on Saturday, September 25th at 7am. I don't care about being the first person to cross the line in my age and sex group, I just want to run the whole thing and finish. And darn tootin I will do just that.

Besides it was only a $12 entry fee, only...

-Gawdun

Emotional Cars

*I am taking a break from posting videos from the mission as I am out of town and in Reno, NV for photography work and vacation. All will resume when I return home.

'Take Everything'

-Greg Laswell

I got into Reno Thursday and had a joyous experience even before I was here 2 hours...

In my current hometown of St. George, which is part of the state of Utah, I have come to terms that there reside some of the rudest and incompetent drivers. Very few seem to understand the rules of stoplights. I've always wondered who changed the rule on "red lights" to, GO, instead of STOP. A big one I wonder about is freeway etiquette... The one rue that burns my jeans is the rule of "merging." When a person enters the freeway the cars in the far right lane are supposed to be courteous and move over allowing you onto the freeway. NO, in Utah more than anywhere else people DON'T practice this rule of kindness! They will see you coming on the entrance ramp and speed up just so they don't have to move over. This usually causes the two of you to be traveling parallel ensuing frustration and a forced merger.

That is probably the biggest frustration I have.

So there I am in Reno traveling on the freeway and I had to merge. I prepared myself for the "merge battle." Then the most glorious thing happened, all two cars in the right lane moved to the left allowing me TO MERGE!!!!!!!! I wanted to write them all thank you notes for being freeway kind! And everyday since then I have more wonderful experiences on the roads here in Reno than I do in UT.

Take a listen drivers, nobody likes a bad driver who thinks their poop don't smell. Be kind and don't cause deaths!

-Gawdun

Throat Punch

'Stop Draggin My Heart Around'

-Stevie Nicks w/ Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

It's always interesting to receive not so pleasant news. It's also interesting to receive not so pleasant news with a large group of people. There seems to be a heavy cloud that will set in and there is not a darn toot'n thing to be done about it. That dark cloud keeps us human. Keeps us sane to know that life is not a big bowl of sugar (even though Poppins tries to sell it that way).

Albeit that cloud will depart, enjoy the ride that comes in conjunction. It's not as horrible as news of cancer.

'Pocketful of Sunshine'

-Natasha Bedingfield

-Gawdun

I'll Share Jail Time w/ Lilo

So I've been charged with "Having to Much Fun."

While she lands in one of these...

I will land in one which allows my cell phone...

More in a minute.

-Gawdun

Mountain Dew and Bike Cops

'Heartbreak Warfare'

-John Mayer (I will announce that I normally DO NOT like him. He creeps me out and I have been told on good word by a friend who has met and worked with him that my creepy feeling was true, he is a creepy guy, but this song is great.)

Last week I had the privilege of vacation and attending a mission friends wedding. No I did not shoot his wedding, and I will tell you that I prefer to NOT shoot a friends wedding. They EXPECT a cheaper price and special rights, that totally makes me laugh. Anyways let me take you to the night before the wedding, and yes if any of the attendees read this they may get mad but you should have realized that once I enter a room I am looking for proper blog worthy material. Not one person is free from this occasion :0)

I had been in Salt Lake City the the early part of the week and then had to drive to Logan, UT for the Friday full day wedding events. The wedding just happened to be for an elder that I trained on the mission so it was only once again proper that I make face time and show. So I arranged a place to crash which was also the home of another missionary I trained. I learned Thursday morn that the house I was staying at would also host the bachelor party. I was laughing when I heard this and knew that my blog would be happy. So I get to Logan around 8pm Thursday and the party had already started. Now mind you this is a L.D.S. (Mormon) wedding so all the attendees of this bachelor party were Mormon. I did the "hey how's it going?" catch up and found a seat to land on. There was the chit chat of non sustaining conversation until the steaks were finished. I must say that the steaks were amazing. Potato chips, baked beans, and Mountain Dew flowing was on the menu. I skipped the Mountain Dew as I quit the soda habit a few months ago, but everything else was amazing.

There was also the fire pit to be started and such events did happen. A nice mix of 'Can't Hardly Wait' and 'Night at the Roxbury' soundtracks played along side of other smashingly swell rap and R&B iPod tracks played.

After dinner one of the many 22-23 year olds in attendance got the bright idea to bust out the "Non-Alcoholic" beer to try. Let me just say that there still is a .05% in it! One of them tried to tell me that they just put that on the label in case a drop gets in it. I'm sorry I'm the bartender and I know better, so I stayed away. I was ashamed of my fellow male and Mormon race when they would pretend that they were gonna get so drunk off it. (The GROOM DID NOT PARTAKE, HE WAS SMART). I honestly laughed at the "interpretation of drunkenness," it was all wrong.

After literally 2 minutes of that the idea to start the XBOX Halo games. I more or less watched as I have never played such games. (I know, I know I am a shame to the male race). I was given the controller of one of the players and that turned out bad as I was killed. One day maybe I will play it and learn it... hmm.

Once that got old ( almost 2 hours later) we headed back outside where the music continued to blast (its about 11:30pm now).

I have the video of the next event so I will only preface it. I guess there is a beer drinking game where you tip a can side ways and cut a hole into it. Then after you all gather around you pop the top (which is sideways now) and you chug it. First one done is the winner. Man who seriously comes up with these games?

At this point there was seriously a serious sugar and caffein frenzy going down all around. Someone put on some insane German Techno song and there were white guys dancing around.

Not too long later about 1am after the 3o minute "talk" that a few of the non-married guys gave (that is a whole post in itself) to the groom he thought he should get home seeings how his wedding was at 10am and he had to be at the Logan Temple by 8:45am. Just as soon as he went to leave up walks to cops who obviously were bike cops, (they sported the Village People shorts). I knew it would happen due to all the noise we were creating with the music of choice and sugar high the guys were on. At first I wasn't sure if they were really cops or just friends who were there to 'Punk' groom. The reason why I say such things is some of the random comments. At one point when the words, "so who is the lucky guy" were uttered in a not so normal voice I knew more video footage for the blog would happen. Luckily it turned out to be real cops and they told us to quiet down.

The groom left and I soon headed to bed while there were people still all around the house on the XBOX and of course the guitars that were on hand.

Oh did I forget to mention that there were 2 girls there but only one really stuck around. Yeah, that's what I said. Honestly it was a fun time of random adventures for a more random marriage.

CONGRATS HOLYOAK's. (Here is the photo I tweeted to all the friends and family back in Georgia who also knew the couple.) ((I think I also forgot to mention that the groom and bride both served in the same mission as did I, BUT they were not interested in each other at that time. For their "Hearts were Locked"

-Gawdun

Put a Target on My Head and Call Me Sally

Well it's official. Despite many appeals Utah performed an execution just a few minutes ago by firing squad. In a report by Washington Post reporter Jennifer Dobner, "Ronnie Lee Gardner died was pronounced dead at 12:20am Friday." Yeah that was literally 40 minutes ago from the time I am writing this post. This was Utah's first execution by firing squad in 14 years.

Let the record show that I am here to say that I don't want to die with a target upon my chest.

To read the whole report by Jennifer Dobner click... HERE

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the target's get you!

-Gawdun

I Smell A Flop

"Hospital Beds"

-Cold War Kids

The summer movie season is officially in full swing. May normally begins this event and there are already great movies out there, Iron Man 2 and Robin Hood are among those gems. However I reflect back to a few summers ago, 2005 to be exact. The offender of horrible films... Dukes of Hazzard. I did not hear many good things about it and from all the trailers and reviews I read, I managed to skip it safely and enjoy the rest of that summer. Now jump to this year (2010)...

A Team.

I wasn't very sure about it when I heard the idea to make a movie out of a classic TV show. Then I saw a trailer for it and thought ok maybe this movie has potential. Boy I jumped the gun in thoughts. Thanks be to the commercial kings, they revealed to me the best commercial to prove that I will more than likely skip it. Just wait till the end of the trailer as you will see what turned me off from this.

I know there are many movies with horrible special effects but tanks shooting in the air! C'mon! My first response when I saw this was laughter. There must have been a meeting around the writers desk about ways to create more action. Why they created that scene is beyond me. Besides all that the only talented actor in this film happens to be Liam Neeson. All the rest are either eye candy for ladies and objects for guys to say "Man I need to hit the gym to look like that."

If I end up seeing this it will be with my little brother who does want to. Then it will be once it has arrived at the $2.00 theater. I know it will still be supporting a more retarded sequel but that will be the only way I see it, also if friends tell me it's actually worth it will I consider paying $7.50

Enjoy to all them that do see it. Hope tanks flying in the air entertains you.

"Valnetino"

-Diane Birch

-Gawdun

What Wisdom Do You Have?

Church was great today and love when we have 5th Sunday lessons. Bishop does a great job when he teaches them.

I get home from church and pick up the newspaper. What does it say up on the top of the front page? I'll just tell you so you don't have to guess. David Archuleta has a memoir coming out June 1st (this Tuesday). As I write this I am trying so hard not to laugh so that these words come out clear. Ok seriously what a joke. The newspaper, Salt Lake Tribune, gives the tag line to the article, and yes this is a direct quote, "...a memoir that serves as a motivational self-help book for fans." I will allow you to collect yourself as you probably are rolling on the floor at this very moment in hysteria. (Long pause.............)

David is only 19, and has only been singing pro since 2008 after her won American Idol. Really what does he have in terms of life experience to offer me, a 26 year old, or those that are older than me? I could probably learn more about the book called, All ABout Scabs, by Genichiro Yagyu. (I learned a ton from the book, The Gas We Pass, which I highly recommend.)

So David knows how it is to be on American Idol as a teen Mormon, and he knows how it is to play concerts in Utah to thousands of screaming 10 year old girls, but what about me? Oh wait he could teach me about proper use of... no he could teach me how to... man this is hard, he has nothing that I can think of. I mean I don't recall the last time 10-12 year old girls came chasing after me. Unless this kid has tricks and trades of being in the Activity/FHE Committee chair, gathering donations for humanitarian relief, or best ways to break into war photography... I doubt I'll read it. I also have a hard time of receiving self-help from people that have have personal shoppers and can be found on the top of birthday cakes. (Yeah I think it would be awkward to be eating his left eye. Only a Dr has permission to see the inside of me, not David).

As you can tell I am making a joke of this whole thing. Good for David, but seriously, maybe you should live grown-up life some more and reach mid 20's. After then maybe we can relate (laughing now). I don't like his music so now I am lying to my readers by saying I would read it if he was older. I must not lie, I never could read a book based on him.

I must leave for now. I have to meet with a publisher about my memoir as Director of the C.I.A.

-Gawdun