Gas Station Wieners

Can I just tell y'all how tasty gas station hot dogs can be.  Ok so most the time when you think of these rolling over cooked, day old dogs is "HECK NO I AIN'T EATING THAT!"  Well let's be honest with ourselves and the world.  WE ALL EAT THEM AND LOVE THEM.  There are rules however when eating these rare treats.  So sit back and relax while I explain them...

1).  Only once in a while.  Never get them often, not only will they tear up your insides but they will be gross and over played.  In fact as the rule states, too much of a good thing is not a good thing anymore.  

2).  Never mix with the chili!  I'm sure you readers are clever enough to know the reason why this is a bad idea.  I'm not talking about heart burn either, although that will suck.

3.)  Time of purchase is everything.  You may be tempter to pick one up in the day hours but then that is a BAD idea.  The mix of heat and meat will cause a chemical imbalance and cause you to be nauseous and then you'll feel like you have a loaded gut that is heavier than the rest of you.  The perfect time is late evening, I promise it will be better on your body.

4).  Location, location, location.  This is the tricky part.  I have tasted many processed dogs and found some were better than others.  It's not just about length of time they ride the rolling heat bars but truly the place they come from.  Here are a few good places to shop...7-11, mom and pop stations (stay away from podunk town one building kinds though), the ultimate one is found in a town called Tifton, GA.  On HWY 84 (I think that is the HWY, it runs along Wal-Mart and into Albany) there is an Enmark gas station.  Around 9:00pm they have the best ones.  I'm just saying.

5).  Condiments.  I already covered the chili part but there are still many other choices to look into.  You've got your, ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, pickles, jalapenos, etc.  The true way to do it is simply keep it simple stupid. (Yeah that is right KISS).  More trouble is on the way if you pile it all up.  

and lastly my favorite and most important...

6).  Be proud to buy it.  Don't be all shy that you are purchasing this tasty treat.  Yes, your thinking that everybody and their cat in the store are watching you and making judgements that your actually buying this.  It's very true they probably are.  However don't worry about their lame butts.  You hold that dog up proud and carry it to the counter like it is the freakn Hope Diamond.  People want to scoff at you, you look them in the eyes and scoff at them with their Big Gulps and Camel Cigarettes.

Well I feel that my time here has been well spent and that many of you have been well feed with the good knowledge I harbor in my brain.  So go, flee to your nearest gas station.  Make some memories and find the roller heat wieners that work best for you.

-Gawdun